Supposedly, names can’t hurt you.
But truth: sometimes you’d take the sticks and stones and the broken bones over the brutal insults your peers hurtle at you. The stinker. The bully. The slut. The bookworm. The pothead. The ice queen.
Did you wear one of these labels last year? And do you dream about giving yourself a reputation overhaul and turning a new leaf this September?
First of all, you need to understand that you can’t rewrite history, says Rob Stringer, a life coach with Youth Coach Canada (www.youthcoachcanada.com). “You can’t change the past, but you can change from this point on,” he says.
Be brave: take a hard look at yourself and examine whether there is any validity to this reputation you’ve earned. “Admit the part you played - even if only to yourself,” suggests Stringer. Then, start acting the way you want to be perceived.
“If you’re this new person, how would you act? Act that way and by being that person you’ll end up having what you want,” says Stringer. Understand that it might take a while to reprogram the way people react to you.
Stringer says you might be able to cut corners by just admitting to your previous shortcomings. “You might say: ‘yeah you’re right, I was a goof but I’ve changed,” he says. If you don’t, Stringer warns that people might be tempted to spend time and energy trying to remind you about that time you ate the sheep’s eyeball in biology class. “Take that power away from them,” he says.
If you were the bully, be patient and let your actions speak for themselves. “Trying to tell a kid that you’ve terrorized that you’re not a bully anymore – they’re not going to listen, they’re going to watch,” says Stringer. You might want to deliberately show kindness or demonstrate a new level of respect by asking your former victims for their opinions on various topics.
Of course, friends can have a lot of influence over your behaviour. Who doesn’t love a standing ovation? Too bad you had to give a grade niner a wedgie to get one. But if those buddies contributed to the reputation you’re trying to dump, be wary of social situations that might lead you astray.
Go with your gut – follow your instincts and if something doesn’t seem right, get out of it even you have to make an excuse. “Say: ‘my stupid parents are dragging me to the movies,’ or whatever,” says Stringer. Better yet – no matter the reputation you want to seal in a time capsule - seek one or two close friends that enable you to be the new, improved version of yourself. Confide in them, hang out with them, and pretty much ignore everybody else.
And if you just can’t shake the branding, try creating an identity elsewhere – join a club or take up a hobby has no connection to your school whatsoever.
