It’s just a little crush, not like I faint every time we touch -Jennifer Paige, 1998
Whatever, Jennifer. Saying “little crush” is like the expression “little amputation” or “little world takeover by flesh-eating zombies.”
Crushes are BIG.
The proof is in the very definition of the word itself: crush “press or squeeze someone or something with force or violence, typically causing serious damage or injury.”
In this case, it’s your poor little heart suffering the alternating euphoria (his forearm brushed yours in the hallway) and exquisite pain (it’s Friday – you won’t see him for a whole 48 hours…noooooo!). You don’t need a doctor to diagnose a crush: the symptoms are fairly universal.
“You’re just thinking about the person all the time. You’re distracted. You might have a physical response when you see the person like butterflies in the stomach or your heart feels like it’s dropping to your knees,” says Erin Elisabeth Conley, author of the book Crush: A Girl’s Guide to Being Crazy in Love.
Crushes are a high school rite of passage, so you’re unlikely to escape them altogether. Plus – what the heck would you discuss at sleepovers, and whose lips would you envision when you kiss your own hand at night? (don’t look so smug, you know you’ve done it) But when your personal needs and friendships start taking a back seat, your crush may have gone too far.
For example, consider the following scenario: it’s your best friend’s birthday party and she’s counting on you to show. But you hear that your crush might show up at a competing shindig for a whole ten minutes. Naturally, you choose the latter faster than you can say “stalker.”
Wrong move, girl. “And when the person isn’t into you and you don’t open yourself up, you’re closing yourself off to finding love in other places,” says Conley.
It may be time to sift through your emotions and separate fantasy from reality.
“We pretty much make up a story - an ideal drama about them and how we would be if they loved us. Safe, beautiful, more sure of ourselves, popular…” says Sue Johnson, a professor at the University of Ottawa and author of a new book on love called Hold Me Tight.
Once you’ve identified these personality traits that would only emerge should your Romeo declare his undying love, Johnson suggests looking elsewhere to fulfill these desires. Also, cap the “ dramatic makeout in the pouring rain” daydream.
“Don't let your mind constantly wander into ‘movies’ about this person -instead think of things you like to do or the good friends you already have,” she says. We tend to put the object of our affections on a pedestal, so bring him back to mere mortal status by making a list like “six reasons my crush is a clown,” says Conley.
“It doesn’t have to be mean spirited but it can just correct that generous pendulum we get when we have a crush,” she says.
Conley has other anti-crush tricks up her sleeve, like a crush funeral. “Put all your mementos in to a box, or imagine you’re putting all your emotions into one..and give yourself that time to honour it, put it away and move on,” she says.
Or how about a pity party? “Go all out. Invite your friends, have a menu and totally make it kind of sad and lame but as funny as possible. Make a pinata in his likeness,” says Conley.
